source: dictionary.com
I was told by my exboss friend tonight that one of my endearing qualities is my aloofness and spacecaseness.
and that one aloof moment particularly affected him::
apparently one day (im assuming about this time of year, so probably 2 years ago) he saw me walking on campus, i stop and pick up a flower, put it in my hair, and continue on my way..
hes right, im very aloof, especially when im on campus and have time to spare. not much interests me, especially the people. i all but ignore them (unless a person catches my eye in some entertaining way). i keep to myself and things that interest me, concepts beyond the grasp of most NSCU persons.
i think hes referring to a period in my life (spring sophomore year) when i had not much to do and definitely no one to do what i had to do with. i spent my spare time walking around and exploring, wherever i happened to be. id spend the hour in between classes every day outside. and from february-april i picked bouquets of daffodils because that is the one thing i actually love about NCSU’s campus.. daffodils galore in the springtime.
i was just meandering along, doing my thing, completely oblivious to the world (anthropogenic) and completely intune with my world (ecogenic).
no idea that this trivial moment of mine could propel a 31 year old man talk about what it meant to him and the related and resulting matters for nearly an hour..
i wish that a 2 beer buzz combined with my terrible memory anyways would not fuzz even the jyst of the conversation, as i wish so much that i could explain what it meant to him, and what his explanation meant to me. as people don’t talk about this stuff enough and i wish to convey things like this to everyone else.
his side: it inspired him a lot to see me doing my own thing, being my own person, regardless of anything else going on. because you dont see that much nowadays, and especially as you older you lose yourself and the person you want to be..but im one of the good guys and one the few of his highly respected people and that he has hopes for me and that i will come out alright.. and also that that moment was one of those “everything is right” moments in his life in which he knew there is something worth fighting for..
something like that.. i cant really explain it, as he explained it so well (since its his own thoughts) and i was listening so intently and respectively that i wasnt recording any of it into my brain (i remember the back and forth feelings and vibes of the moment way more so than the words.. i definitely cant explain this thing about me..)
but as i said to him, that was my graduation keynote speaker. i dont care what they have to say, nothing will be as meaningful and personal and important as his little soap box schpill.
it felt so good to hear kind words from this man, especially since i wasn’t that great of an employee as I was always late ( extremely.. if i even showed up .. ). i dont always care what my bosses think of me as a person, but for him i definitely do. its nice to really know. and its really nice to have a confirmation that youre on the right track (especially since mine is so offbeat from everyone else – who have society to automatically confirm their actions).
in summary, it was a deeply touching conversation.
and so appropriate that it happened on a [2]kris10 day. which brings me to a suggestion for your [2]kris10 day activity.. tell someone about how they have deeply touched you.. in whatever way.. either by being who they are, or by something they did. you don’t know how good of a thing you’re doing until you do it. these DEEP TRUTHS need to be said.
and to think, before dinner, i started a draft about how downing of a day it was being so far (started my morning by banging my door into my head), but alas, it lifted up. these unexpected moments of deep truth are surprisingly beautiful, enough to lift any down soul..
hugging you GOODBYE 